Last night, after dancing, laughter,
Connections became passion –
Not yet to be mistaken for commitment –
Between strawberry-blush skies
And a succession of
Blueberry and ash ridges.
This morning
The coffee bites,
There’s salt in the wind, and
The very air has an edge.
Love the last line especially 🙂
In truth I turned the fairly lame original on its head to get this one: in the beginning it started with the last four lines and what is now the beginning followed on: but in this form it has a darker quality and begs questions.
Thanks for the feedback – as always.
It’s amazing. It definitely has a darker quality in this form. Makes me wonder if I should re-work my verses too. It might bring surprising results. Thanks for sharing. It is always interesting to create different perspectives or effect. 🙂
Hmmm, I take that as a compliment, but enjoy your approach and style anyway – and the variety of subjects you write about – so don’t change it if you feel it’s not working.
Yes, it is definitely a compliment.
I always like to look at different ways to present a poem or an article. It gives diverse perspectives. Especially when it alters the meaning or impact. I do not being too attached to my work, as I risk becoming too “stuck” with a look, a meaning or a particular format. If you know what I mean. So, this is a great. Thank you for teaching me something new. I sincerely appreciate that. 🙂
Its like berries in someone’s hand – ready to be eaten straight out of the palm. Like a little nibble and a flick of the tongue. Beautiful write, as always. Then again, when didnt you write well?! 🙂
Thank you and …er, don’t think I’ve ever had such deliciously wicked feedback about my writing before.
crisp mornings
~
inhaling
every taste