The Very Air …

Last night, after dancing, laughter,

Connections became passion –

Not yet to be mistaken for commitment –

Between strawberry-blush skies

And a succession of

Blueberry and ash ridges.

This morning

The coffee bites,

There’s salt in the wind, and

The very air has an edge.

 

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8 thoughts on “The Very Air …

  1. Love the last line especially 🙂

    • beeseeker says:

      In truth I turned the fairly lame original on its head to get this one: in the beginning it started with the last four lines and what is now the beginning followed on: but in this form it has a darker quality and begs questions.
      Thanks for the feedback – as always.

      • It’s amazing. It definitely has a darker quality in this form. Makes me wonder if I should re-work my verses too. It might bring surprising results. Thanks for sharing. It is always interesting to create different perspectives or effect. 🙂

      • beeseeker says:

        Hmmm, I take that as a compliment, but enjoy your approach and style anyway – and the variety of subjects you write about – so don’t change it if you feel it’s not working.

      • Yes, it is definitely a compliment.
        I always like to look at different ways to present a poem or an article. It gives diverse perspectives. Especially when it alters the meaning or impact. I do not being too attached to my work, as I risk becoming too “stuck” with a look, a meaning or a particular format. If you know what I mean. So, this is a great. Thank you for teaching me something new. I sincerely appreciate that. 🙂

  2. Chatty Owl says:

    Its like berries in someone’s hand – ready to be eaten straight out of the palm. Like a little nibble and a flick of the tongue. Beautiful write, as always. Then again, when didnt you write well?! 🙂

  3. Geo Sans says:

    crisp mornings
    ~
    inhaling
    every taste

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